Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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