Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
