I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
