Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
