Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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