think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
