Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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