And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
