You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
is it fun? or sober?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
