its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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