That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Shame - the story of my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
