what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
