So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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