I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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