Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why didn't you poke me back
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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