his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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