im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
