So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i will never coherently bang her
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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