happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
