is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
