I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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