You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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