she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
