Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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