omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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