Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
