I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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