We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
