you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
