Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
