Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just cropdusted the office
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
