I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
