Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
