my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize