when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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