my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize