i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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