apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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