went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please come you make the beer taste better
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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