I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
