I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
