Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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