i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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