Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize