only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
