I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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