I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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