so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
