So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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