insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize