just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
