my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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