Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
