he puts the penis in happiness.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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