i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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