end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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