that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
