we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize