oh god the rape fog is back!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize