tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
