Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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