He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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