He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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