so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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