To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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