you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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