Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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