There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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