Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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