I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
