Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize