Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
