Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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