last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
