You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
