If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
