Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
