I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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