Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You can't just leave with hair like that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
