the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
