So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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