why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
