Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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