The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who died my cat blue again?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
