the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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