it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
