Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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