Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
