There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
