I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
