They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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