He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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